#7 Wounding and Compassion and Holding

Dear friends,

We live in such turmoil these days what with hurricanes, elections and so much suffering. In these times our practice of presence becomes ever more important. These are called chaos times, times of deep transformation, end times. When the tectonic plates of the collective start to break up, when the planet groans, our souls are bound to shake too. Your practice not only helps your soul to remember its true unshakeable, indestructible ground, but it mysteriously adds to the collective soul of all of us, the global consciousness that is bursting forth pushing away the old and demanding a radical new. Some are calling this the Second Axial age (the first being the time of the Buddha, the birth of the monotheistic religions). We are in for a ride, fraught with fears and dangers. We are being called to attune to the need  for deep transformation and for the leap in consciousness. We are all involved in this. If we wake up, step by small step we are participating in this leap, this evolution. So don't loose heart when the journey gets painful, difficult. It is easy to succumb to cynicism, despair and loose all faith and courage. 

Rumi, the great Sufi poet writes:

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.

Don't go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.

Don't go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill

where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.

Don't go back to sleep.

We are called to wake up and trust, even when the way is completely obscured. That is our practice. Don't go back to sleep! And waking up is the process, the unfoldment of a life time. It is not a sudden explosion/enlightenment-- that does happen sometimes- rather it is the gentle awakening of what is precious and sacred in each of us. No journey looks the same.

On Monday we were drawn into the deep hurt as we explored how our most sacred and precious was and is betrayed. Our divine nature is our most precious and sacred.  All of us have felt how deeply people, parents, churches, religions, spiritual teachers have trampled on our preciousness. We believe that this sacredness was destroyed because we cannot feel it, find it, or know it personally. The good news is that this spark cannot be destroyed, we all hid it away, not by some conscious act, but simply out of choiceless self protection. And where did we hid it? In the unconscious! We hid away this spark of living light, buried this living presence, so that when the time came we could begin to recover  our sacredness. We all do this. Ego development is necessary. It creates a shell, protection for us against all the injury, all the hardships and also is the normal way we grow up and leave mommy's lap and eventually move into the world as so called adults. And then for some of us there is a longing for something. We know something is missing, something is not real, some further evolution needs to happen. That is the beginning of  spiritual seeking.

On Monday tears arose and the superego arose in its hateful attack. We need to understand that this is part of the awakening. Not to fix it, not like therapy, but to meet it as one of the many many layers that separates us from our living presence. What we discovered in our circle was the sweet tender presence of compassion. Our pain was met with the softness of our voices, the tenderness in our eyes. This is an expression of presence rising up to support what feels unbearable, feels too much and overwhelming. Compassion is not just a word, it is palpable and it lived in our shared presence on Monday night. This is presence as compassion.

Along with compassion, the strength of the 'no' to the superego also arose. Firm, integrated, clear and unequivocal. As I said, we our fighting for our living souls. This not a time to let the superego smash us or sneak in quietly through the back door. The superego holds such aggression against us and others. It does not trust this opening into vulnerability, into the hurt of what was betrayed, what brutalized us or into what slowly numbed us and  turned our hearts into frozen stones. Don't feel, don't hate, don't trust, don't open, don't love.... In a word 'don't'. This is the aggression of the superego.

By practicing presence we are inviting openness, the opposite, if you like, of 'don't.  Some of you are noticing that there seems to be an expansion followed by a contraction. We discover something, we understand something, and then there is an opening. A kind of "ah yes" or a joy or a relief that what you thought was true, turns out not to be a true as you thought. With this opening, presence can enter as grace. You may feel it as a quiet smooth ease, or a flash of understanding followed by relaxation. Or you may experience it as strength, as a kind of clear uprightness. Some of you may feel it as steady capacity to be with your otherwise rejected experience. Or you may feel it as simple love and appreciation for your friends in the circle. Presence has many faces. It arises to meet the experience. With hurt, compassion arises; with superego, solid firm strength arises; with confusion, there is spacious clarity as the dots line up into insight; with difficultly,steadfast, patient ease, arises. We assume that the face of the divine is simply one face: frightening power, passionate love, eternal compassion; judgment, you name it!  Big God, far too big and  for our smallness.Yet what we discover is that presence can show up so very simply, easily if we are willing to come back to our experience, whether it is numbness, hatred, resistance, fear, falling, sweetness, joy, love, power, aggression. All is welcome in this growing field of presence. Week after week you bring your presence, your willingness, your curiosity, and your sincerity. Such a gift, such a support for each one of us.

So during you week don't be surprised if you find yourself contracting, shutting down, or if the superego comes in for a serious visit. This is how this practice works. Its like breathing in and out, like the tides going out and coming in. Can we be with this more and more. And can we forgive ourselves when we get lost, forget everything, eat leftover Halloween Candy until we are sick! Presence will find you if you come back to yourself.

Peace, Alison