Session 3: Superego, emotional regulation and presence

Dear friends, This week we looked at how the superego sees you. It is surprising and even shocking to see what a distorted, one dimensional picture the superego has of you. However it sees you, it is quite different from the person who is alive today, sitting in our circle of presence. In a nut shell the superego sees you as a child, small, dependent not as the grown adult that you are. So why do we give it such credence, why do we believe this aggressive, coercive voice?  

I suggest that you explore the following question this week. "What's right about believing the superego?" I know this is a weird question, because the obvious answer is that there is nothing right in believing the superego. But the fact is that we do believe what the superego tells us, screams at us, whispers to us. So to some part it is "right" to believe the superego. This question gets at our not so conscious beliefs. So for instance you might discover that what's right about believing the superego is that the superego knows what is true and not true about us. Or you might unearth that you believe that if you don't believe the superego you will go "postal", or you will run amok, or you will make impossible messes, or people won't like you, or you will be exiled or abandoned, or you will go to hell. Use your journal this week and ask yourself this repeating question and see what you discover. 

This weeks questions: Draw a picture(s) of how the superego sees you. Tell me a way you are different from the way the superego sees you. Sense your arms and legs for five minutes, then explore your experience right now.

I want to talk about the emotional intensity that some of you are experiencing. As we expose the superego this will unearth its power, sometimes terrifying, overpowering aggression. And this can awaken a lot of fear and anxiety, even panic at times. This is normal, not a sign  that you are failing. If the feelings become too intense, know that you are not alone and they are welcome in the circle. If you feel you need to get up and walk around, take a breather please do. It is important to be able to regulate these feelings, walking around, breathing will help. I urge you to come back to the circle after you have settled. There is so much support in this growing field of presence, support and kindness. What ultimately allows the nervous system to settle and regulate (the fight, flight and freeze responses) is the holding and support of grounded open presence. When we have the support of each other to simply welcome where we are, we are stepping out the brain that is freaking out (the limbic system). So when you feel like you are is bordering on too much, take a step back, and breath. Return to the practice of sensing yourself. Feel your feet on the floor, your pelvis planted on your chair. Let your breath gradually slow down and drop into the belly. Don't try to repress what you are feeling, talk yourself out of what you are feeling, judge yourself, simply welcome and stay embodied and present. This is a practice and we get better and better at it over time. The flight response is to run away; the freeze response is to shut down, and fight response is to attack. None of these responses will help you find the your groundedness, your center, your own emerging capacity to hold your experience. The presence of your friends who are also practicing staying present, staying embodied is an enormous and mysterious support.

I want to say how touched I am by your courage, sincerity and caring. We have only met a few times and already there is a sense of a sacred circle emerging. It can hold all of us wherever we are. It does not require that we perform or change. Presence is an open welcome to all of reality including and especially our divine nature.

I hope to see you all next week. I do appreciate when you let me know if you are unable to attend.

Warmly, Alison