As we open ourselves, make ourselves receptive to grace, we learn slowly how to be open to this present experience, to this present moment. It takes practice and it takes understanding. We learn to practice coming into the moment by settling into our bodies and we learn about the obstacles that take us away.
On Monday we focused on the superego, the voice in your head, that speaks to you as though you are a child. It speaks the words, gestures, tones, unspoken vibes of your parents, of your ancestors and all the important people in your early life. For some of us this voice is terrifying; for other it is shaming; for others it is sweet and seductive. It makes us anxious, contract inward, it causes us to dissociate, to hide with shame. If it is sweet and praising it is patting you on the back for being good, for being perfect, for being quiet and small, for being right etc. It is praising you for being the way you are SUPPOSED to be, not how you are, not as you are now and a fully fledged adult. At its core the superego is cohersive and aggressive. It saps you of your strength, your confidence, your desire to grow.
The superego is not about growing, about taking risks, about being open and vulnerable. It is all about the status quo, whether the status quo is miserable, if the status quo is comfy, or if the status quo is distracted.
You have all been drawn into the circle, because there is an itch inside, a longing, a dissatisfaction. It may quiet or it may be blazing, it may flicker and then disappear or it may simply burn on and on, despite all your best efforts to extinguish it. This itch, this longing is the flame of your divine nature. It has been there from the beginning, and it cannot die. You can ignore it, try to drown it out, but after awhile, the restlessness, the seeking for something more will bubble up again. And we try so many ways to get rid of it, try to fix it, try to find the answer, the solution that will quench the thirst, or soothe itch. Whether it is finding the right teacher, the right church, the right path, until finally some day we surrender and turn towards this itch, this desire for more. We begin to let it flicker, we let it burn even though it is uncomfortable, and even though we have no idea what to do or where it will take us.
And this is when the superego will try to divert you. It will try to convince you that, the flame is not real and anyway you are a fraud, you are a failure, you are incapable, you are not welcome in the circle, you are too lazy, too stupid, too undisciplined, not spiritual enough. Or maybe it will bolster you up telling you know it all already, you don't need these boring people, these simplistic teachings on the superego. The superego will try to get you subtly or full blast. If you turn to the truth of who you really are -- a living soul whose nature is living, conscious presence-- then the superego will show up sooner or later. This is why Joe and I feel it is so important to help you see and understand this obstacle right from the beginning. And we need to keep seeing and learning how to deal with it. This week keep notes about your superego. When does it show up. What does it say. Does it say the same thing over and over. And what happens to your capacity to be present. You may be shocked to discover how much of the time it is operating.
One of the ways we begin to deal with the superego is to become more and more embodied. The body can only live in the present. The superego arises out of your history and is not about the now, no matter how compelling it seems to be. We began our session with a meditation focusing on sensing your arms and legs. I encourage you to play with this. FInd a quiet place and circulate your sensing starting with your right foot, right leg, pelvis, up your right arm to your shoulder, across your shoulder and neck and down the left side. If you get distracted simply come back to sensing. Do not judge yourself. Notice how the superego may evaluate your experience. What on earth does the superego know about meditation practice!!! Take a few minutes at the beginning of the day or during some break in your day. Remember there is no such thing as a bad meditation. No such thing!
Next time we will continue with more exploration of embodiment.
A brief reminder about logistics. We will meet every Monday except the 4th Monday of the month (an evening of spirit singing). We will break for the holidays mid December. We will begin each session promptly at 7.30pm. If you arrive late please come into the Sanctuary quietly. Donations to the church are most welcome. We will leave a donation basket on the altar. Please remember your commitment to confidentiality.
I will be posting my emails in my blog: http://practicing-
I hope you are enjoying this perfect weather. What a way to begin this fall season.
Blessings to you all, Alison
No comments:
Post a Comment