Engaging the superego; superego as god

Dear Friends, Take heart! We are ploughing deeply into a major obstacle to Oneness. I know this work with the superego can feel impossible, frightening, maddening, hopeless... But it does get easier.

I was struck on Monday by the amount of pain caused  by  churches, ministers, the theology of sin, damnation. As children we can't help but take in these abuses of  religious power and internalize them into self hatred, resulting into an utter sense of disconnection and betrayal.

No wonder so many of us fled. It is a testament to some mysterious courage that you venture back into a church sanctuary. It also speaks to the unquenchable hunger of the human spirit to recover the freedom and goodness of living presence-- or to use religious language of our living, loving God.

It occurred to me that it might be useful to continue the exploration about how we project the superego on God and the church.

I did this exercise years ago and I found it very liberating. 

On a sheet of paper  write a letter to God, and let it rip. God can handle your rage, your disgust, your fears, your pain....all of your feelings. Tell him exactly what you think of his Church, his ministers... all of it. I use the "he" pronoun deliberately because we are mostly conditioned to ascribe the masculine to the face of God.

Then on second sheet of blank let yourself be drawn into by the image of God as   the God of love, the God of freedom, of compassion, glory, beauty, truth, ..... Spend some time sensing your arms and legs, breathing into the belly. After a few minutes  words may come, images will come... write them down, drawn them.. scribbles, doodles...this is not an art project!

On a third page let it remain empty. Meditate for a few minutes. What ever images emerge, feelings, words, let them arise and let them go. Then let yourself gaze gently at the  blank page-- or if it works better gaze out into the space in front of you-- allowing the possibility of being drawn into the divine that is beyond all names, all images, all ideas. Let yourself be drawn by the God of mystery. And remember you cannot think your way into this. Its about relaxing and waking up. Don't judge yourself. 

After a few minutes journal your experience with the three pages. Please bring these pages to our next session.

Here are the questions from our last session:

Tell me a way your inner child engages the superego

Tell me how this engagement with superego impacts your capacity to relax and stay awake.

Explore how you project the superego onto your images of god. How does this block the nowness of living presence, how does this block your openness. 

Practicing presence and the superego

Dear Friends, we tackled the superego, the inner critic, the voice of judgement head on last time. Unless we face this demon we will be shackled by our history. Especially if we undertake spiritual work, which by definition will take you beyond the comfort zone of your ego self. And the superego is designed to keep you inside that zone, by whatever means at its disposal. This can be violent inner attacks-- statements like 'you idiot', "you fuck up', 'you never do anything right' to outright verbal abuse. Or it can keep you in line by telling to "watch you, you know that nothing you do ever works", by endless self doubt. Or it can praise you for being such a good person. Or it may be silent because you are implicitly conforming to its standards and expectations. As you begin to recognize this voice you will feel its impact in the  body: anxiety, heart racing panic, dread, contraction, numbing out, cutting off, collapse, obsessive thinking. The superego does not know you as an adult soul; it sees you as a five year old, or even younger.

So when you start to meditate and introduce the practice presence into your life, you are inviting the divine, the living waters, the life force, spaciousness to enter. And this will expand you beyond your familiar sense of self. So guess who shows up. Yes, the superego. So I encourage you to keep a log of the superego attacks this week, and maybe for a long time!! So by seeing  the superego you are waking up to your conditioning and this awakening which brings you closer to the freedom of presence that you long for. This is a practice and not an easy one.

These are the questions we focused on last time:

 Tell me a way the superego impacts you?

Tell me why you believe the voice of the superego?

Explore what you are discovering about the superego and its impact on your openness to presence.

Next Monday we will focus on how we engage the superego and how the superego becomes God. This is vital to understand if we are to enter the presence of oneness. 

The music from last time: Arvo Part. Fur Alina: 1 and Spiegel im Spiegel:2

Chopin. Impromptus Op.90 D.899, no.3 in  flat

Calling all Angels Jane Sidberry and K.D Lang

I keep these emails and old ones at: http://practicing-presence.blogspot.com/

Fall is here. Hoping to see you on Monday. Alison

the practice of presence

Dear friends, it was so good to see familiar and new faces in our circle. If you are joining for the first time it can feel like a sudden dive into unfamiliar territory. We are not used to learning and sharing in this way. It can feel exciting or awkward and scary. But as I said this is about a practice and all of it takes time. Whether it is the meditation practices, this kind of inquiry, the vulnerability of sharing... So take your time. For old timers it can feel unsettling when the familiar circle of friends suddenly expands. Presence is always asking us to expand beyond what has become familiar and cosy.

This kind of practice will open us to the depths of presence, of grace. It takes time and practice. It takes a safe and sacred circle of fellow travelers and the growing ability to relax and wake up to what is happening in this moment.

I will do my best to circulate the questions after each session so that those of you who were absent can follow along.

Questions:

Tell me a way this practice of presence disturbs you.

Tell me a way this practice of presence attracts you.

Explore your relationship to the practice of presence. Does it invite you. How does your body feel. Do you notice judgements.

We are opening the door to presence, even if we don't recognize it or feel it yet. As I mentioned last time this will activate the superego whether self judgements or criticism of others. The superego does not want us to engage in  spiritual work, especially work that takes us into the depths of our being.

For me it is a joy to begin this journey with you again. Hope to see you all next Monday. Alison